The Loss of My Dad - Summer Break pt. 2
As we continue the Summer Break Series as Diana prepares to share this fall, the hardest journey she has ever faced, we tune in and listen as her heart turns toward the loss of her dad and how in the times of deep sorrow and grief it is possible to be comforted and to have peace and joy in the midst of the storm.
Diana’s Notes
Welcome to the Summer Break series of Heartfelt Conversations with Diana!
I hope your summer is off to a fabulous start and that you are enjoying time with those you love, and making time to replenish yourself, and just enjoying this amazing, miraculous life God has given to us.
Are you ready to dive into our second Summer Break episode? I hope so because here we go!!
In preparing my heart to share the loss of my daughter, my thoughts turned towards when I lost my dad. Even though it can be hard to reflect and remember, it can also bring peace and comfort knowing the LORD can and will strengthen us to get through the hardest seasons of life and in the case of my dad, it was actually a very beautiful and impactful experience as my mom, my sisters and myself -through the help of Hospice- tended to my dad as his body prepared to leave this life and enter into his eternal life.
In fact, when one of God’s children passes from this life into eternity, not only does it impact those of us left behind; but the LORD Himself values the precious life of His saint and values life deeply.
Psalms 116:15 in the AMP Bible says:
Precious (and of great consequence) in the sight of the LORD is the death of His godly ones (so He watches over them).
Our entire lives are under the watchful eye of our Loving Father. From beginning to end. There is nothing that escapes Him.
In this episode I will be sharing pages from my 2010 journal
Dear Heavenly Father,
On December 6th, 2010, You gave my mom and dad the gift of celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary together. Thank You for allowing them the joy and privilege to be able to have that final time together.
By the 8th of December my dad was in the hospital and today, December 10th I am flying from Montrose, CO to Florida as my dad’s health continues to decline and my sister let me know that if I could get time off from work, I might want to come. It didn’t look like dad was going to pull through. His health was rapidly declining.
For the past couple of years, dad’s health had not been great as he suffered from strokes, and as we recently learned he had Parkinson’s Disease and brain cancer.
During those years, I kept telling myself, next week, next month, next year I will take time away from work and spend time with my mom and dad while there is still time to enjoy them. But the weeks, and months, and years went by and the money and time to take off from work never came. I wish I would have had more faith to believe You would provide because the money will never be there. There will never be the “right” time. There will always be something stealing and snaring us away from what really matters in this world. People. Souls. Lives.
Where would I be LORD, if You never had time for me, like I never made time for family? I am so angry with myself for not being there for my parents. For never making time for family. How quickly life passes by and now the final hours of my dads life are here and I am full of regrets! Please help me bear this pain I have created in my own heart.
God, I love my dad! He was always so kind and gentle with me and now I will be absent from his laugh and his twinkling eyes and the humor he has brought into our family. I am going to miss him and I hope he knows how cherished and loved he is, even though I was so bad at showing my feelings. I don’t want to keep being so distant because of fear of being hurt.
Where has my faith gone Father? How did I end up in such a mess of a life, such a broken, messy life. How did I lose my faith and will I ever get it back?
The more I hurt and the more my heart aches, the tighter I clench my fists fighting to hold onto control, when I know the best thing I could ever do is let go and give You control over everything. Because You don’t control. You lead, guide, direct and protect. And yet, here I am refusing to surrender.
My dad amazes me! I walked into the Hospice hospital where he was moved to when it was realized he would not recover and the first thing he did was smile.
I thought he said, “Na” which is my mom’s nickname so I said, “Dad, it’s Diana not mom”. He laughed and there was that twinkle in his eye and he said, “I know who you are. I want Na.” I laughed and walked over to the bed, leaning down and giving him a kiss on the check and asked him if he needed mom, or if there was something that I could do for him. And he simply replied “yes”. I asked him, “Dad, what do you need?” and he responded back, “I need Na, I want to go home”.
So, I called mom, who had gone home to briefly take a shower and grab a quick break from the stress and heartache of watching the love of her life slowly slip away. I called and told my mom that dad had just told me he wanted to be at home. Mom knew dad did not want to die there but in his own home. So she told me she would be right there. At first the hospital said it would be impossible for them to move my dad on a Sunday, but if you knew my mom, that was simply not acceptable and before long the ambulance was there to transfer my dad home. Those words were the last audible words my dad spoke.
For the next few days, I didn’t even think once about myself, (that in itself is a miracle) or have myself on my own mind. I wasn’t worrying about me, about my life, about if anyone would ever love me the way I so desperately desired to be loved, seen, noticed. For a few days I let go of my life and had the glorious honor of caring for my dad during his final hours on this earth.
I cannot capture in words the feelings my soul felt as each day my mom, sisters and myself cared for my dad. We would bathe him, gently turn him from side to side as we cared for his frail body and simply watched as his body prepared to pass from this life and enter into his eternal life.
What an honor Heavenly Father that you graciously allowed me to share with my dad as the time drew closer for him to go home to be in Your eternal presence.
I could not help but feel Your presence, the holiness of the entire experience captured my full attention. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. Yes, it was hard and sad and at times overwhelming with emotions but at the same time there was such peace and calm and comfort knowing he was going home. I couldn’t help but feel and sense the holiness of Your eternal Kingdom. That soon he would no longer be in pain. I am so grateful that You gave me that time with my dad. My heart overflows with gratitude. Thank you for letting me share that holy time with my dad and my mom and sisters.
Help me to hold onto the love I felt in Your presence as I continue to walk in this world. Help me to remember that I am in the world, but I am not of this world.
Somehow, find a way to send me the strength to live as I should and send Your Spirit to dwell in my heart. Take all of me Father and guide my steps so that I may always follow Your path. I know I am not there yet Father. I know I have so many broken pieces in my life, it is like a 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle that is scattered all over the floor. But after being here, I know You still love me so don’t let go of me. No matter how long it takes me, I beg YOU! I will not make it in this world without You.
Be with my mom and gently touch her heart. Let her feel Your love wash over her as she has never experienced or known before. As she continues her walk through this world, now as a widow, watch over her in every area of her life and command Your angels to keep her from harm.
Dry her tears with Your compassion and hold her tightly to Your bosom in the dark, lonely hours of the night.
I pray that grace and mercy will walk beside her and that Your comfort will keep her steady and strong in the days that lay ahead.
Thank You Father for this gift of time even though I do not deserve Your loving-kindness.
I ask these things in the Mighty and Precious Name of my Savior Jesus. Amen.
That is the end of my entry.
Death can be hard, scary. It can leave us feeling empty, lost, alone. But it can also bring comfort when we know that God has given us the gift of eternal life. Death can temporarily separate us from the ones we love, but it can also bring comfort and hope that one day we will be reunited with them.
Today, both my mom and dad are with the LORD and it can be hard not sharing holidays with them. Not having anyone to send a mother’s day or father’s day card to. But it also brings me such comfort in knowing that my parents are with my daughter, and they are waiting for me to join them.
I am sad while I am here, but they are not sad at all! They have walked over the threshold of death and are now in the Presence of our Heavenly Father and our loving Savior. That brings me peace, joy and comfort.
I want you to know that God cares deeply about You. He wants to be the God of comfort to you, so if you have not allowed Him in, today, I hope you will decide to make Him the LORD of your life. There is no comfort like the comfort of our God.
When we feel sad, when we are grieving and feeling the loss of someone we love, we can turn to Jesus and be comforted. Jesus understands and knows the sorrow of death. In John we read the story of Lazarus who was a friend of Jesus and Lazarus died of an illness
You can read the entire account in John 11, but I am going to pick up starting with verse 33:
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in His Spirit and greatly troubled. And He said, “where have you laid him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.”
Now Here is the shortest verse in the bible and it lets us know we are in such tender care when we turn to our Savior for comfort.
Verse 35: Jesus wept.
We don’t have to ever be alone or feel like no one cares or knows our pain. Jesus knows. He is our High Priest and He cares deeply. So if you are carrying any pain alone; just reach out to Jesus and He will be there. He wants to be there for you. Don’t be afraid and don’t procrastinate any longer.
VERSE in the NLT
This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for He faced all of the same testings we do, yet He did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
Hebrews 4:14-16
“May the LORD bless you and protect you. May the LORD smile on you and be gracious to you. May the LORD show you His favor and give you His peace.”
Songs to inspire you
MercyMe - I Can Only Imagine (Video)
HOW GREAT THOU ART (Joshua Aaron & Aaron Shust) LIVE at the Garden Tomb, Jerusalem w @YaronCherniak (My dad’s favorite hymn)
Casting Crowns - Scars in Heaven (Official Music Video)
Scriptures from this week's Podcast
Psalms 116:15 AMP
Precious (and of great consequence) in the sight of the LORD is the death of His godly ones (so He watches over them).
John 11:33-35
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in His Spirit and greatly troubled. And He said, “where have you laid him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.”
Verse 35
Jesus wept.
Hebrews 4:14-16
This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for He faced all of the same testings we do, yet He did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
Numbers 6:24-26
“May the LORD bless you and protect you. May the LORD smile on you and be gracious to you. May the LORD show you His favor and give you His peace.”
Additional Resources
Prayer of Salvation
Jesus has given salvation, healing, and countless benefits to all who call upon His name. These benefits can be yours if you receive Him into your heart by saying this prayer:
Heavenly Father, I come to You admitting that I am a sinner. Right now, I choose to turn away from sin, and I ask You to cleanse me of all unrighteousness. I believe that Jesus rose again from the dead so that I may be justified and made righteous through faith in Him. I call upon the name of Jesus Christ to be the Savior and Lord of my life. Jesus, I choose to follow You, and I ask that You fill me with the power of the Holy Spirit. I declare right now that I am a born again, child of God. I am free from sin and full of the righteousness of God. I am saved in Jesus’ name. Amen.
This prayer and the comment above, were taken out of the book:
Secrets to Powerful Prayer - Discovering the Languages of the Heart
By Lynne Hammond and Patsy Cameneti
If you have just received Jesus as your Savior, please write Lynne Hammond Ministries at:
PO Box 29469
Minneapolis, Minnesota 55429-2946
Or, email one of the ministries listed on the Additional Resources Tab and let them know that you are a brand new christian and need some direction on the next steps for your new life in Christ.
Or email us here at Heartfelt Conversations with Diana and we will pass along your information for you.
Congratulations if you are a brand new Christian or if you have Returned Home! Welcome!!! Get in God’s Word and get it into you!
Diana’s Home Church:
Valley Family Church - Pastor’s Eric and Alexa Jones
www.valleyfamilychurch.org
Other recommended Jesus-centered churches who teach the True Word of God:
Elevation Church - Steven Furtick
https://elevationchurch.org/
Joseph Prince Ministries - Joseph Prince
https://www.josephprince.org/
Joyce Meyer Ministries
https://joycemeyer.org/