Jehovah Tsaba: The Lord Our Warrior
Jehovah Tsaba: The Lord Our Warrior
In the last episode we were introduced to the character of God as our Shepherd. Jehovah Rohi - The Lord My Shepherd.
We chatted about how young David kept watch over his fathers sheep. As a youth, David had the enormous responsibility to make sure no harm came to the flock. David had to fight a bear, a lion, and many other dangers. It was during this time in David’s life that he developed a deep faith and trust in God, David came to know by life experience the power in God’s many names.
Diana’s Notes
Isn’t that how we develop deep, meaningful relationships with anyone, by experience? We learn who our true friends are, the ones that will stick close by in the hardest situations; and then there are those who only want to hang out when there is a party, or something fun going on, or maybe when they need you. But the minute you need their support, man they are nowhere to be found! I think everyone has had someone they thought was a friend and at some point you found yourself disappointed, hurt, angry and by experience learned that they would not be someone you could count on in a crisis.
But David knew his Shepherd. He said in the 23rd Psalms The Lord is my Shepherd. He referenced God as his personal Shepherd which let’s us know that David knew he could count on God, no matter what. God was there when David faced the bear, and the lion and those experiences prepared David for another big battle that was coming.
Sadly, I did not have that bond with God. I believed in God, and Jesus was my Savior; but there was a disconnect in the relationship. I didn’t spend a lot of time getting to know Jesus because I thought He was in heaven and I was here and it was up to me to be good enough to make it to heaven.
In my teens I became reckless and rebellious. I was too headstrong and too stubborn to make wise choices. In fact, after I was about 12 years old, I didn’t make any real decisions on my own for many, many years. I was so consumed with hiding my shame and just trying to fit in that I went along with anything and anyone just to feel like I belonged. It’s hard to accept this, but in case you haven’t figured it out yet, being stubborn and rebellious isn’t strength or courage, and it will not bring you freedom. And if we aren’t careful, it could take us down a path that could be difficult to recover from. That at least was my experience.
David was filled with faith and confidence. I was filled with fear and rejection. Our enemy, Satan, likes it when we are filled with fear and afraid of rejection. When we are afraid of being rejected we tend to hide. Remember the account of Adam and Eve when they ate the forbidden fruit and after eating it, realized they were naked so they hid from God? I think a natural response when we know we have done something wrong or are ashamed of something we are doing is when we keep things hidden, secret, and in the dark, and that is when the enemy attacks.
Just like when an animal is weak, and a predator strikes. Satan knows when we are hiding from God and we are vulnerable, and he prowls around waiting to take us down.
It is written in 1 Peter 5:8 -AMP ( Reading from the Amplified version of the bible)
Be sober minded (well-balanced and self-disciplined), be alert and cautious at all times. That enemy of yours, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion(fiercely hungry), seeking someone to devour.
I was NOT well- balanced or had self discipline! I was not well-balanced because I had wrong thinking going on in my head at a very early age. My perspective of things was skewed because of abuse in my life and feeling unloved by my mom. When we are not grounded early in life it is very difficult to see things as they truly are and not from our feelings and emotions.
I also did not have self discipline because I had no control over my feelings and my mind was filled with believing I was unworthy, unloveable, a freak.
I was a perfect target for the enemy to attack, and he did.
I was two and half to 3 months pregnant by my 16th birthday and by the time I was 17, I found myself in a very savage and violent relationship with another man 5 years older than me.
Today, I would like to introduce you to another one of God’s names, Jehovah Tsaba that helps describe God’s character - The Lord Our Warrior.
As a teenager and a deeply wounded one at that, I was in way over my head in this relationship and if Jehovah Tsaba had not been watching over me, protecting me like David protected his father’s sheep, I am confident that I would not be alive today. I didn’t think anything could hurt me anymore than what I had already experienced in my young life, but nothing prepared me for the intense evil I surrounded myself with. For the next four years, I never knew from one day to the next if I would live to wake up and see tomorrow. I lived in absolute terrorizing fear. I had been around hot-headed, angry people before, but nothing could ever compare to the cruel, fiercely murderous and merciless nature of this individual.
I was ruled, controlled and managed by fear and intimidation. I was beaten and brainwashed into believing that he was in control of whether I lived that day, or died. And not just me. I was persuaded through blunt force that if I knew what was best for my son and my family that I would behave as I should and not tell anyone or ever try to leave him. I tried to hide everything from my family and convince them that I wanted to be with him because I thought I was keeping them safe. I didn’t think that I could tell anyone. And just like I mentioned earlier, that is exactly where our true enemy, Satan likes us. Trapped in fear and isolation. I was a teenage girl who really messed up and found herself living in the clutches of death and hell.
At first he started out very quiet, almost shy in his behavior. I needed a place to live since I did not want to go back home and live with my mother, and he knew a place that his family members had that was not being used at the time, and the rent was really cheap. Shortly, me and my baby son were moving into a nice, quiet little trailer. It seemed perfect.
I thought he was attractive, tall, slender, strong, and like I said, he seemed quiet, calm and peaceful. It wasn’t long after moving in that I began to realize that I wanted to go back home. Even though I had a baby now, I still felt like a baby myself, young, unsure of raising this little person all on my own. I was trying to finish high school, work and figure out how to raise a baby on my own and everything just started to feel overwhelming. Pretending and dreaming about being an adult is so much more fun and intoxicating than reality. Even though my mom and I weren’t getting along, I needed her. I just wanted my mom. I told Jimmy ( well, for confidential reasons, we will call him Jimmy)anyway, I told Jimmy that I wanted to move out of the trailer and go back to my parents. Now, we weren’t really a couple, I’m not too sure what we were; but the response from him blindsided me. I never saw it coming.
All of a sudden I found myself being overpowered by him with blows to my body and being thrown across the room. Somehow I managed to get the baby and put him in his crib before I was slammed onto the bed as he began to strangle me. I fought as long as I could to get him off of me but he was too strong and as I layed there I could feel the life leaving me. I slowly began to feel weak and very sleepy. I struggled to keep my eyes open. I guess he didn’t want to see me as I was dying so he managed to grab a pillow and put it over my face. At that point I knew I wasn’t going to make it. I’m not sure how long I was unconscious , my guess is a few minutes. I remember slowly starting to come around, confused and not having my senses fully working.
I was in a daze and grappled with regaining any comprehension of what had just happened. I have memories of him holding me and crying while repeating over and over how sorry he was and that he didn’t mean to kill me, begging for forgiveness. As he began to become aware that I was coming around, he sat me up on the bed and held me in his arms telling me he was so glad I was okay. That was the first of many, many brutal beatings and outbursts of pure rage.
I have heard people say that they would never allow anyone to abuse them, or “why didn’t they just leave. But it is easy to criticize someone who is in an abusive relationship if you have never been swallowed up in one, and you need to be very grateful if you haven’t! I stayed because I thought I was protecting other people I loved. I believed they were safer if I remained.
One time we lived with his dad for a while. One day he dragged me into the pantry and began beating me, as I was crying and begging him to stop, his dad walked in. I was so relieved! I thought finally someone would intervene and the nightmare would be over. But rather than being someone who would rescue me and keep me safe, his dad only told him to keep the noise down, he was trying to watch TV. My heart sank. How was I ever going to get out from this madness if even his dad was willing to turn a blind eye. I later learned that his dad abused his mom before she left the home.
Once, during the winter when the weather was horrible and the roads were really bad, he ran my mom off the road. She was on her way home after working 3rd shift, it may have been 2nd shift, but I’m pretty sure she worked 3rd at that time, anyway, she was in the country driving down bad roads and there was a sharp curve along the way. Jimmy had been waiting for her and forced her off the road as she took that curve. She could have been seriously hurt, but he was making a point to me that he could do whatever he wanted to whoever he wanted anytime he wanted. It was another power move. There were other people in my life that he attacked and one person who he hurt pretty badly and they ended up in the hospital. He got away with it with no assault charges because he had “witnesses” to say he only acted out of self defense when the other person attacked him first. This was not the truth and he told me everything that would happen before it actually did happen so I would understand the power that he had and how untouchable he was. He was pure evil and I was terrified of him. He became my Goliath, an undefeatable foe that I believed one day would take my life.
If you are listening to this podcast and are being abused, let me encourage you to tell someone you can trust, a friend, a family member, a pastor. If you are in a very violent situation, you need to physically remove yourself from living with the same person. I am not saying it has to be permanent, you don’t need to make any long term decisions that are overwhelming right now, but you are not safe; especially if you have children, you need to get out. Ask for help. I know it is scary. Trust me. I know! But take a deep breath and know that God will help you. Ask Him to cover you in His protection and your children if there are any. Ask him to send someone to you who can help you. Be smart and be safe. If you have any phone numbers, addresses of anyone that you might stay with, take them with you. Don’t leave anything behind that might reveal where you are. You need time to seek help, clear your head and get the right mindset and perspective of reality. You may believe you are to blame and it's your fault and if you changed, they would change. That is a lie. I can’t tell you what you should do, but please pray and ask the Lord to help you make the right decision. Find a counselor or someone who deals with abuse so they can help you. If you love this person, it will be really, really hard. But, they need help too. And staying and allowing this behavior to continue will not help them or you.
We are going to leave this part of my story here and we will pick it back up where we left off on the next episode, but I want to leave you with a scripture to be reading and praying over yourself as you seek God for wisdom. If you are not in an abusive situation but know someone who is, pray this scripture for them.
Now, I am reading Psalms 91 from the Message Bible, but find a version that speaks to your heart and make it more personal if you need to.
You who sit down in the High God’s presence,
spend the night in Shaddai’s shadow,
Say this: “God, you’re my refuge.
I trust in you and I’m safe!”
That’s right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you—
under them you’re perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
not disaster that erupts at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You’ll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, because God’s your refuge,
the High God your very own home,
Evil can’t get close to you,
harm can’t get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they’ll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You’ll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.
14-16
“If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God,
“I’ll get you out of any trouble.
I’ll give you the best of care
if you’ll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I’ll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!”
I have read and prayed this scripture over myself after surrendering my life to the Lord and the trauma from my life still haunted me. Since I have come to read God’s word over me and trust Him, the enemy has no power over me anymore. You will never know this truth for your own life unless you learn it from experience and you get the experience by practice. So, take it one day at a time, and let today be the first day.
One more scripture for you to meditate on and encourage you -
This is Psalms 27:1 from the New Living Translation
The LORD is my light and my salvation; so why should I be afraid? The LORD is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble.
Jehovah Saba, Father, Thank You that you care for each and every one of us. Thank you that even though we make mistakes, even though we don’t always include You in our decisions, You never stop loving us. You are always with us. Your love never fails, and You never give up on us.
Thank You for being our Refuge, and when we feel unstable, and unsteady that You are always stable, always steady. You never change.. You are always constant and consistent and no matter what, no matter if there is no one else we can count on, we can always count on You. There is absolutely nothing that I am going through that You can’t handle, that is too much for You.
Help me to learn to trust You and find my hope and my confidence in You. Make Your presence powerful to me so that I see Your goodness and kindness towards me. Help me to not trust my own understanding but to trust You and Your Word. Surround me with Your angels, front to back, side to side and let no harm come to me or my household.
Thank You for Your forgiveness of my sins and Your faithfulness to me even when I am not faithful to You. I lay down all my fears, all my anxieties, all my frustrations, and I give them to You. Give me courage to trust You and thank You for surrounding me with all of Your love, joy, peace and strength as You work everything out for my good and I learn to walk in Your truth. In the Mighty Name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.
Songs to inspire you:
for KING + COUNTRY - God Only Knows (Official Music Video)
Scriptures from this week's Podcast
Psalms 27:1 from the New Living Translation
The LORD is my light and my salvation; so why should I be afraid? The LORD is my fortress, You who sit down in the High God’s presence,protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble.
Psalms 91: from the Message Bible
spend the night in Shaddai’s shadow,
Say this: “God, you’re my refuge.
I trust in you and I’m safe!”
That’s right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you—
under them you’re perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
not disaster that erupts at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You’ll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, because God’s your refuge,
the High God your very own home,
Evil can’t get close to you,
harm can’t get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they’ll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You’ll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.
14-16
“If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God,
“I’ll get you out of any trouble.
I’ll give you the best of care
if you’ll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I’ll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!”
1 Peter 5:8 ( Amplified version of the bible)
Be sober minded (well-balanced and self-disciplined), be alert and cautious at all times. That enemy of yours, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion(fiercely hungry), seeking someone to devour.